The market had another Tuesday. And I was watching. I’m always there, watching, judging, forming misguided opinions and sometimes eating a mango while I do it.
I like mangos.
Producers Produce Bad News
The Producers Price Index, which takes into consideration what those who profit off consumers pay to create what they sell, saw its core prices rise by .4%. Analysts expected .2%, but they also thought the housing crisis was over a month ago so what the hell do they know?
Anyway, core prices do not include food and energy costs, which makes sense because they’ve risen about twenty percent thus far this year. We wouldn’t want to skew the numbers by representing the truth. That just messes with people.
Genetically Modify This, Monsanto
Monsanto, along with a couple other companies I’m too stupid to remember, are working on many different strains of crops that are genetically modified to provide resistance to pests, a decrease in watering requirements and (in some cases) an infusion of vitamins for areas where people lack certain necessary nutrients in their diet.
In America, something like one in four of every crop you eat is genetically modified (source: come on, this is a blog). More to the point, in forty years there’s gonna be like 4 billion people on this planet. Which means that right now our choices are either genetically modified crops, alternative foods that don’t taste like food, or just straight up killing everyone who isn’t rich.
The future is bright.
Like a nuclear explosion.
Blind People Hate Our Money
The US government, if it does not elect to appeal to the supreme court, will soon have to produce money so that blind people can distinguish each bill. Fucking blind people. Now they want to be able to see their money. Next thing you know they’ll want the right to vote.
Netflix Wants to Move In Permanently, Won’t Pay Rent
Netflix is now selling a device that will allow you to order movies directly from them so that they appear right away, the second you order them, on your television. The only problem is that currently all ten thousand movies available on this new platform suck balls. But that’s a small price to pay to be able to watch Howard the Duck the minute the mood moves you.
Coal is Such a Slut
Coal prices are shooting through the metaphorical roof as they follow other more popular commodities like oil and natural gas but the thing is, in truth, coal really is the more popular commodity. I know it’s not as flashy or as sexy as oil and natural gas but coal makes up roughly seventy percent of the energy sources used in non-nuclear power plants. Furthermore, there are four times the amount of coal reserves than there are worldwide oil reserves. Coal is filthy, ugly and smelly, but like any nasty bitch, she’s easy to get and she puts out like crazy.
See you later money fans. Until then remember, “God bless the working stiff ‘cause working’s for chumps.”
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2 comments:
has the market been down? wheres the updates?
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