The market had another Tuesday. And I was watching. I’m always there, watching, judging, forming misguided opinions and sometimes eating a mango while I do it.
I like mangos.
Producers Produce Bad News
The Producers Price Index, which takes into consideration what those who profit off consumers pay to create what they sell, saw its core prices rise by .4%. Analysts expected .2%, but they also thought the housing crisis was over a month ago so what the hell do they know?
Anyway, core prices do not include food and energy costs, which makes sense because they’ve risen about twenty percent thus far this year. We wouldn’t want to skew the numbers by representing the truth. That just messes with people.
Genetically Modify This, Monsanto
Monsanto, along with a couple other companies I’m too stupid to remember, are working on many different strains of crops that are genetically modified to provide resistance to pests, a decrease in watering requirements and (in some cases) an infusion of vitamins for areas where people lack certain necessary nutrients in their diet.
In America, something like one in four of every crop you eat is genetically modified (source: come on, this is a blog). More to the point, in forty years there’s gonna be like 4 billion people on this planet. Which means that right now our choices are either genetically modified crops, alternative foods that don’t taste like food, or just straight up killing everyone who isn’t rich.
The future is bright.
Like a nuclear explosion.
Blind People Hate Our Money
The US government, if it does not elect to appeal to the supreme court, will soon have to produce money so that blind people can distinguish each bill. Fucking blind people. Now they want to be able to see their money. Next thing you know they’ll want the right to vote.
Netflix Wants to Move In Permanently, Won’t Pay Rent
Netflix is now selling a device that will allow you to order movies directly from them so that they appear right away, the second you order them, on your television. The only problem is that currently all ten thousand movies available on this new platform suck balls. But that’s a small price to pay to be able to watch Howard the Duck the minute the mood moves you.
Coal is Such a Slut
Coal prices are shooting through the metaphorical roof as they follow other more popular commodities like oil and natural gas but the thing is, in truth, coal really is the more popular commodity. I know it’s not as flashy or as sexy as oil and natural gas but coal makes up roughly seventy percent of the energy sources used in non-nuclear power plants. Furthermore, there are four times the amount of coal reserves than there are worldwide oil reserves. Coal is filthy, ugly and smelly, but like any nasty bitch, she’s easy to get and she puts out like crazy.
See you later money fans. Until then remember, “God bless the working stiff ‘cause working’s for chumps.”
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Remember Monday
The Market went and had another Monday. And I'm here to wrap it up. Again.
NBER is it Cold in Here
The National Bureau of Economic Research not only boasts one incredibly official sounding name, but also is the official arbiter of US business cycles, which sounds even more official and, quite frankly, downright important. Anyway, one of their reps said the following yesterday:
"Industrial production, real income, employment, retail sales--on these fronts, February was terrible, March was slightly less bad, and it is not because in April we saw smaller falls than expected that we should celebrate."
Just so you know, the major indices took a giant crap today. Maybe it's just a coincidence.
I'm About Over Microsoft and Yahoo
Okay, so now that super curmudgeon Carl Icahn is finished making Yahoo rehash its horrible and torrid relationship with Microsoft, Crusty Carl and his boys are considering just how to get these two kids to kiss. Microsoft is now suggesting some kind of pseudo incorporation of the certain aspects of each company in an effort to marginalize something and streamline something else and dammit I just don't care anymore!
No one's taking down Google for at least a few years, and whoever does it will definitely have that same goal and a strong interest in uniting to do so. As it looks to me now, Google, Microsoft and Yahoo will all be one company before my first gray hair. And believe you me, Google will be doing all the buying.
(Note: Please keep in mind that I hardly ever know what the hell I'm typing about.)
Cynical Mind Searches for Ulterior Motive
Sohu.com, a Chinese online gaming service provider, suspended its services for three days in honor of the earthquake victims in that country. This is a sincere gesture. You just don't see that kind of stuff too often in business so I'm gonna ignore the marketing benefits, compliment Sohu on the gesture and move on.
Electronics Arts Wants That Ass
Electronic Arts has been after Take Two, makers of all the Grand Theft Auto games, for like months now. EA just made their third bid for Take Two's loving. Sometimes, EA, you just have to realize that the bitch is not that into you and move on.
Analysts All Hate Each Other
From what I can tell, pretty much every financial services institution in the US downgraded pretty much every other financial services institution in the US yesterday. At least they all see how they scum.
Though I only consider them scum compared to Krusty.
There is Now a Fund of Funds Exchanged on the Exchange
Okay, for the uninitiated, a mutual fund is a bunch of stocks in a fund that you can buy and sell as one big block. An ETF, or exchange traded fund, is a fund that trades on the open market, i.e., it has a fluctuating price that follows the market's jive (how many people are buying and selling it) as well as the fund's performance (how the stocks in the fund are doing).
Well, a while back some dudes decided to start selling mutual funds filled with mutual funds, which is (in my humble opinion) a stupid misuse of diversification. Anyway, now they have mutual funds that are filled with exchange traded mutual funds, and said funds full of ETF funds may soon become ETF funds themselves, which means, if you're scoring at home, that everything is confusing and nothing will ever make sense.
Kind of comforting in a weird sorta way.
And, because we haven't done it in a while, here is your motivational investment quote of the week:
"If you have a job without aggravation, you don't have a job."
aaaaa-----Malcolm Forbes
NBER is it Cold in Here
The National Bureau of Economic Research not only boasts one incredibly official sounding name, but also is the official arbiter of US business cycles, which sounds even more official and, quite frankly, downright important. Anyway, one of their reps said the following yesterday:
"Industrial production, real income, employment, retail sales--on these fronts, February was terrible, March was slightly less bad, and it is not because in April we saw smaller falls than expected that we should celebrate."
Just so you know, the major indices took a giant crap today. Maybe it's just a coincidence.
I'm About Over Microsoft and Yahoo
Okay, so now that super curmudgeon Carl Icahn is finished making Yahoo rehash its horrible and torrid relationship with Microsoft, Crusty Carl and his boys are considering just how to get these two kids to kiss. Microsoft is now suggesting some kind of pseudo incorporation of the certain aspects of each company in an effort to marginalize something and streamline something else and dammit I just don't care anymore!
No one's taking down Google for at least a few years, and whoever does it will definitely have that same goal and a strong interest in uniting to do so. As it looks to me now, Google, Microsoft and Yahoo will all be one company before my first gray hair. And believe you me, Google will be doing all the buying.
(Note: Please keep in mind that I hardly ever know what the hell I'm typing about.)
Cynical Mind Searches for Ulterior Motive
Sohu.com, a Chinese online gaming service provider, suspended its services for three days in honor of the earthquake victims in that country. This is a sincere gesture. You just don't see that kind of stuff too often in business so I'm gonna ignore the marketing benefits, compliment Sohu on the gesture and move on.
Electronics Arts Wants That Ass
Electronic Arts has been after Take Two, makers of all the Grand Theft Auto games, for like months now. EA just made their third bid for Take Two's loving. Sometimes, EA, you just have to realize that the bitch is not that into you and move on.
Analysts All Hate Each Other
From what I can tell, pretty much every financial services institution in the US downgraded pretty much every other financial services institution in the US yesterday. At least they all see how they scum.
Though I only consider them scum compared to Krusty.
There is Now a Fund of Funds Exchanged on the Exchange
Okay, for the uninitiated, a mutual fund is a bunch of stocks in a fund that you can buy and sell as one big block. An ETF, or exchange traded fund, is a fund that trades on the open market, i.e., it has a fluctuating price that follows the market's jive (how many people are buying and selling it) as well as the fund's performance (how the stocks in the fund are doing).
Well, a while back some dudes decided to start selling mutual funds filled with mutual funds, which is (in my humble opinion) a stupid misuse of diversification. Anyway, now they have mutual funds that are filled with exchange traded mutual funds, and said funds full of ETF funds may soon become ETF funds themselves, which means, if you're scoring at home, that everything is confusing and nothing will ever make sense.
Kind of comforting in a weird sorta way.
And, because we haven't done it in a while, here is your motivational investment quote of the week:
"If you have a job without aggravation, you don't have a job."
aaaaa-----Malcolm Forbes
Monday, May 19, 2008
God Bless the Banks
It's time for your market wrap up from Friday, May 17th, which seems like such a long time ago.
China's Economy is Allegedly Okay
News out of China, washed and sanctioned by whoever's in charge of that confusing country, is that the recent earthquake will not affect China's economy, despite the fact that the quake left five million homeless. Now, either China is full of shit, or they have one kickass economy. I mean, shaking off five million new homeless people like one flicks lint from the lapel of one's overpriced linen suit... shit man, that's an economy.
GE to Sell Appliance Division; Go Into Porn
It has been said that we are a serviced based economy. Which means that most of us are servants in some form or another. And well, this little chunk of news is kind of proof of that. You see, GE is one of those companies that has their paws in so many different fruit jars that well, purchasing stock in their company is kind of like purchasing a mutual fund. But they made their bones making appliances and selling them to the American consumer. And now they're trashing that idea.
What will we do when the internet finally eliminates all the servants, I ask you?
Sorry, I just had to get a little freaked out there. It's cool. China makes stuff cheaper, I get it. I'm calm. It's an international economy. Cool dat. My bad.
Ohio Passes Law; Payday Lenders Move to Kentucky
Payday lenders, those dudes who give you cash pending your next paycheck are pretty much all screwed because the state of Ohio capped their interest rates. So now companies like Cash America are bailing on the state (closing 140 stores) and poor people won't be able to get quick loans. It's win and it's win and all that. Good job, Ohio.
It Will All Be One
The banks all merge, the airlines all merge. United Airlines and Continental Airlines are considering a merger. Here's why: the idea behind heavily regulated industries like the airlines and the banks is to merge over and over again until they only have one organization (with one stated goal) that can deal with the government officials who supervise them. Because said organization will have increasingly less competition, they will be free to do well, pretty much whatever they want once they get approval, which they will because, I mean, who else you gonna go to?
Seriously, this is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but through mergers.
Poor Yahoo
Yahoo is like getting sued from all sides now. I can't even keep track. They're in a shitstorm. I've never seen one decision (Yahoo turning down Microsoft's offer) so scrutinized. You'd think Yahoo managed the Red Sox in 2003 or something. Wow.
Oil, The Energy Sector, My Member, All Up
Here's an interesting semi-fact: the S & P 500 broke something called its 200 day moving average today. This is what we in the finance world call, good. And it broke the moving average gimmick on its fourth day up in both price and volume. This is what we in the finance world call, a great sign (it's not a very artistic world, finance). At any rate, this is the first time in a long time that a market is threatening to come out of a bear cave while commodities sit at all time highs. In other words, the market may actually think that we the people can afford what we're paying right now, which means, I guess that we won't be getting that HDTV any time soon. Sigh.
See you tomorrow, money fans.
China's Economy is Allegedly Okay
News out of China, washed and sanctioned by whoever's in charge of that confusing country, is that the recent earthquake will not affect China's economy, despite the fact that the quake left five million homeless. Now, either China is full of shit, or they have one kickass economy. I mean, shaking off five million new homeless people like one flicks lint from the lapel of one's overpriced linen suit... shit man, that's an economy.
GE to Sell Appliance Division; Go Into Porn
It has been said that we are a serviced based economy. Which means that most of us are servants in some form or another. And well, this little chunk of news is kind of proof of that. You see, GE is one of those companies that has their paws in so many different fruit jars that well, purchasing stock in their company is kind of like purchasing a mutual fund. But they made their bones making appliances and selling them to the American consumer. And now they're trashing that idea.
What will we do when the internet finally eliminates all the servants, I ask you?
Sorry, I just had to get a little freaked out there. It's cool. China makes stuff cheaper, I get it. I'm calm. It's an international economy. Cool dat. My bad.
Ohio Passes Law; Payday Lenders Move to Kentucky
Payday lenders, those dudes who give you cash pending your next paycheck are pretty much all screwed because the state of Ohio capped their interest rates. So now companies like Cash America are bailing on the state (closing 140 stores) and poor people won't be able to get quick loans. It's win and it's win and all that. Good job, Ohio.
It Will All Be One
The banks all merge, the airlines all merge. United Airlines and Continental Airlines are considering a merger. Here's why: the idea behind heavily regulated industries like the airlines and the banks is to merge over and over again until they only have one organization (with one stated goal) that can deal with the government officials who supervise them. Because said organization will have increasingly less competition, they will be free to do well, pretty much whatever they want once they get approval, which they will because, I mean, who else you gonna go to?
Seriously, this is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but through mergers.
Poor Yahoo
Yahoo is like getting sued from all sides now. I can't even keep track. They're in a shitstorm. I've never seen one decision (Yahoo turning down Microsoft's offer) so scrutinized. You'd think Yahoo managed the Red Sox in 2003 or something. Wow.
Oil, The Energy Sector, My Member, All Up
Here's an interesting semi-fact: the S & P 500 broke something called its 200 day moving average today. This is what we in the finance world call, good. And it broke the moving average gimmick on its fourth day up in both price and volume. This is what we in the finance world call, a great sign (it's not a very artistic world, finance). At any rate, this is the first time in a long time that a market is threatening to come out of a bear cave while commodities sit at all time highs. In other words, the market may actually think that we the people can afford what we're paying right now, which means, I guess that we won't be getting that HDTV any time soon. Sigh.
See you tomorrow, money fans.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Uh You Know, Wendesday
Here is your market news wrapup for March 14th, 2008. And remember to wrap the market in only the finest satin cloth...
Carl Icahn wants your Lunch Money Too
Okay, so now Carl Icahn has taken it upon himself to get all proxilishish (definition: being all proxy-war like) and try to force Yahoo to fill its boards with his yes men all so the Microsoft loving can commence (Microsoft has a big crush on Yahoo and wants to, you know, merge).
Crusty Carl is the kind of guy who buys a stake in your business and then tells you how to run it. And you have to listen to it because his hands are made of chainsaws. True story. Man has chainsaw hands. How you gonna fight that I say? How?
Merril l Lynch Makes Half-Assed Attempt at Being Reasonable
Merrill Lynch, the big stock-selling company you've probably seen on television, has recently said that it will revamp its stock rating systems so that 20% of its rate-worthy stocks are rated as a sell (it used to be 5%). Since some geeks estimate that 37% of stocks fall every year, this means that Merrill is inching a little closer to reality.
I have no idea what would convince a company to be so forthright and earnest, but I'm guessing it wants to raise money in a market that offers many doubtful and uninspired stock buyers. Or maybe it was just tired of being full of shit.
Really, who can say?
I'm in Murders and Executions
Delta and Northwest, two airlines companies (I say like you don't know), agreed to merge after their respective pilot unions came to agreements on seniority, pay, weekly hours, routes and uniform style.
Another Geek Phone is Coming
Linux has agreed to work with Verizon phone company to create a phone that has linux on it so nerds can get all linuxy (I have no idea what Linux does).
House Gives Away $290 Billion
The US government decided to give away 290 billion dollars in food programs, 30 billion or so of which will go straight to corn growers who are having a rough time in this year of record high corn prices.
Sometimes I wish I could just resign from reality.
A Robot Led an Orchestra
Honda makes it. And it's a robot. And it conducted and orchestra. And really I fucking quit. Some people just have too much money.
Okay Seriously, No Wonder the World Hates Us
A website has been launched called Coolspotters.com and it specializes in helping people find products that were used or worn by celebrities in TV and movies. I cannot tell you how much I wish I was making that up. And you know what's worse? I think the damn site has a good chance of making it.
I'm sending my letter of resignation to Carl Icahn. He'll know what to do with it.
Carl Icahn wants your Lunch Money Too
Okay, so now Carl Icahn has taken it upon himself to get all proxilishish (definition: being all proxy-war like) and try to force Yahoo to fill its boards with his yes men all so the Microsoft loving can commence (Microsoft has a big crush on Yahoo and wants to, you know, merge).
Crusty Carl is the kind of guy who buys a stake in your business and then tells you how to run it. And you have to listen to it because his hands are made of chainsaws. True story. Man has chainsaw hands. How you gonna fight that I say? How?
Merril l Lynch Makes Half-Assed Attempt at Being Reasonable
Merrill Lynch, the big stock-selling company you've probably seen on television, has recently said that it will revamp its stock rating systems so that 20% of its rate-worthy stocks are rated as a sell (it used to be 5%). Since some geeks estimate that 37% of stocks fall every year, this means that Merrill is inching a little closer to reality.
I have no idea what would convince a company to be so forthright and earnest, but I'm guessing it wants to raise money in a market that offers many doubtful and uninspired stock buyers. Or maybe it was just tired of being full of shit.
Really, who can say?
I'm in Murders and Executions
Delta and Northwest, two airlines companies (I say like you don't know), agreed to merge after their respective pilot unions came to agreements on seniority, pay, weekly hours, routes and uniform style.
Another Geek Phone is Coming
Linux has agreed to work with Verizon phone company to create a phone that has linux on it so nerds can get all linuxy (I have no idea what Linux does).
House Gives Away $290 Billion
The US government decided to give away 290 billion dollars in food programs, 30 billion or so of which will go straight to corn growers who are having a rough time in this year of record high corn prices.
Sometimes I wish I could just resign from reality.
A Robot Led an Orchestra
Honda makes it. And it's a robot. And it conducted and orchestra. And really I fucking quit. Some people just have too much money.
Okay Seriously, No Wonder the World Hates Us
A website has been launched called Coolspotters.com and it specializes in helping people find products that were used or worn by celebrities in TV and movies. I cannot tell you how much I wish I was making that up. And you know what's worse? I think the damn site has a good chance of making it.
I'm sending my letter of resignation to Carl Icahn. He'll know what to do with it.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Market had Another Tuesday
And now, your market news highlights for Tuesday, May 13th. Don’t act like you didn’t want ‘em.
Congress Pouts, Cries and Threatens
Our representatives in government, who know everything about business because they don’t do anything all day, passed a law that restricts the stock-piling of emergency US oil in an effort to see just how little restricting our stockpiling can offset the serious increase in international oil demand. Or, in simpler terms, they just threw out about one penny of your fiscal suffering. What humanitarians. Oh, and get this, they’re threatening to hit the Mideast where it hurts. You know it. Right in the gun.
Some senator dude whose name I will never learn because screw him said, “If Saudi Arabia and other OPEC countries do not increase production, we in congress will block their lucrative arms deals.”
Wow. That’s all it took to get the government to get within seventy-five miles of an anti-war stance? $4 at the pump. I figured they could hold out for a few more years before they stopped funding war. Goes to show you never know and all that.
HP buys EDS, Analysts Defecate on Deal
Hewlett Packard bought Electronic Data Systems for many billions of dollars lower than its assets and still many market analysts did not agree with the deal because merging the two clumsy and cumbersome companies will take a long time and will be very difficult. When asked for comment, HP CEO Mark Hurd said, “Bite me. I can make anything happen. I’m Mark Hurd for Vishnu’s sake. Oh yeah, and blow me.”
And I Thought Italians were all about Love
An Italian defense company bought American defense company DRS because hey, what are the odds of us ever going to war with Italy? Again.
Spokesmen assured everyone that everything was fine and that Americans would be employed by DRS so just mellow out. Besides, it’s just Italy. Seriously, they’re practically the US’s second cousin. I’m sure everything will be fine.
Maybe.
Probably the Least Shocking Study Ever
Abbott’s Labs paid a college to run a study comparing its stent to the competition's stents and shockingly, Abbott's were found to be the best. Oh yeah, and shares rose. I’m sure that was just a coincidence though.
Her Name was Solar
The solar energy subgroup blew up like a hand grenade in a lava spill on increased earnings and news that the American government is increasing their free money (subsidies). Pretty much all of them did okay but the most surprising to me was Canadian Solar, not because of the huge gain though, but because I just found out they're a China based company. Oh, Stock Market, you ironic little jokester, you.
And now you may be wondering if I'm going to write about market action today. I will not. It always takes me a day or two to figure stuff out. I'm a busy guy, what can I say?
Congress Pouts, Cries and Threatens
Our representatives in government, who know everything about business because they don’t do anything all day, passed a law that restricts the stock-piling of emergency US oil in an effort to see just how little restricting our stockpiling can offset the serious increase in international oil demand. Or, in simpler terms, they just threw out about one penny of your fiscal suffering. What humanitarians. Oh, and get this, they’re threatening to hit the Mideast where it hurts. You know it. Right in the gun.
Some senator dude whose name I will never learn because screw him said, “If Saudi Arabia and other OPEC countries do not increase production, we in congress will block their lucrative arms deals.”
Wow. That’s all it took to get the government to get within seventy-five miles of an anti-war stance? $4 at the pump. I figured they could hold out for a few more years before they stopped funding war. Goes to show you never know and all that.
HP buys EDS, Analysts Defecate on Deal
Hewlett Packard bought Electronic Data Systems for many billions of dollars lower than its assets and still many market analysts did not agree with the deal because merging the two clumsy and cumbersome companies will take a long time and will be very difficult. When asked for comment, HP CEO Mark Hurd said, “Bite me. I can make anything happen. I’m Mark Hurd for Vishnu’s sake. Oh yeah, and blow me.”
And I Thought Italians were all about Love
An Italian defense company bought American defense company DRS because hey, what are the odds of us ever going to war with Italy? Again.
Spokesmen assured everyone that everything was fine and that Americans would be employed by DRS so just mellow out. Besides, it’s just Italy. Seriously, they’re practically the US’s second cousin. I’m sure everything will be fine.
Maybe.
Probably the Least Shocking Study Ever
Abbott’s Labs paid a college to run a study comparing its stent to the competition's stents and shockingly, Abbott's were found to be the best. Oh yeah, and shares rose. I’m sure that was just a coincidence though.
Her Name was Solar
The solar energy subgroup blew up like a hand grenade in a lava spill on increased earnings and news that the American government is increasing their free money (subsidies). Pretty much all of them did okay but the most surprising to me was Canadian Solar, not because of the huge gain though, but because I just found out they're a China based company. Oh, Stock Market, you ironic little jokester, you.
And now you may be wondering if I'm going to write about market action today. I will not. It always takes me a day or two to figure stuff out. I'm a busy guy, what can I say?
Know your Rulers
The financial sector, the energy sector and the agriculture sector all have something in common besides amassing a large collection of stodgy white dudes who play golf with lobbyists. You see, one of the most frustrating things for many investors is the fact that political climates seriously influence the prices of stock. When one picks a stock, as one does whenever one feels one doesn’t have enough to worry about, one must choose a stock with what the industry calls, strong fundamentals, which essentially means that the company in question is filthy rich, getting filthy richer by the moment and generally in a good position to beat its competition over the head with a big wad of cash and then (quite literally) own them. It’s not hard to find stocks with strong fundamentals if you’re looking.
What is hard, however, is predicting what the government will do.
We’ll start with the financial sector because this part bothers me the most so I want to get it out of the way and move on to things that make me less angry. A few years ago, our smacked and dabbed with genius crew of congressional representatives decided to do something stupid: they passed The Community Reinvestment Act which made it possible for people to get loans without proof of necessary income. Bankers are salesmen and they tend to get paid more when they write more loans, so they did it, because people are by nature greedy and stupid.
As a result of this melee of intellectual forethought, a whole bunch of lending institutions went under and the government is paying them billions of dollars to keep them in business. Of course, the banks are doing the right thing (for shareholders, anyway) by laying off everyone left and right and it is obvious that the government will always bail out their banker buddies, so their stocks go up after they post hundreds of billions of dollars of losses every other day like it’s the new thing all the cool kids are doing. These companies are doing horrible and yet their stocks are rising and this is normal. After all, if you knew someone who had the full backing of the American government, you wouldn’t bet against him either. But better than American subsidy, is global subsidy.
The energy sector was one of the first quarter’s 100%, guaranteed-how-can-you-not-lose sure things of the year. Many leading oil-related stocks are hitting their heads against the political condom that is government policy. Apparently, some guy with a good shot of running the country wants to increase taxes on oil companies, which always works because smart companies never find ways to make more money by passing their problems onto consumers but whatever. The point here is that alternative energy, because of both an increase in demand and constant increases in government subsidy worldwide, are a safer bet. They don’t make as much money. They don’t have as much demand, but they also get the love from the rulers. So it goes and all that.
And all of this garbage goes for the agriculture business as well. Though admittedly, they would be doing well without any financial assistance (which kind of crawls under my skin and chews at my nipple if you know what that means, and I hope for your sake that you do not). Corn is actually so subsidized it’s cheap enough to be in every food that comes in a box. Farmers receive so many subsidies for corn that really, you would think the stuff could create orgasm or something.
I guess my point with all of this is that when you purchase a stock, make sure you consider the government climate very closely. Bush is on his way out and the media likes to make oil companies out as villains. Meanwhile, going green is the new way to make companies money that you earned.
America, what a country.
What is hard, however, is predicting what the government will do.
We’ll start with the financial sector because this part bothers me the most so I want to get it out of the way and move on to things that make me less angry. A few years ago, our smacked and dabbed with genius crew of congressional representatives decided to do something stupid: they passed The Community Reinvestment Act which made it possible for people to get loans without proof of necessary income. Bankers are salesmen and they tend to get paid more when they write more loans, so they did it, because people are by nature greedy and stupid.
As a result of this melee of intellectual forethought, a whole bunch of lending institutions went under and the government is paying them billions of dollars to keep them in business. Of course, the banks are doing the right thing (for shareholders, anyway) by laying off everyone left and right and it is obvious that the government will always bail out their banker buddies, so their stocks go up after they post hundreds of billions of dollars of losses every other day like it’s the new thing all the cool kids are doing. These companies are doing horrible and yet their stocks are rising and this is normal. After all, if you knew someone who had the full backing of the American government, you wouldn’t bet against him either. But better than American subsidy, is global subsidy.
The energy sector was one of the first quarter’s 100%, guaranteed-how-can-you-not-lose sure things of the year. Many leading oil-related stocks are hitting their heads against the political condom that is government policy. Apparently, some guy with a good shot of running the country wants to increase taxes on oil companies, which always works because smart companies never find ways to make more money by passing their problems onto consumers but whatever. The point here is that alternative energy, because of both an increase in demand and constant increases in government subsidy worldwide, are a safer bet. They don’t make as much money. They don’t have as much demand, but they also get the love from the rulers. So it goes and all that.
And all of this garbage goes for the agriculture business as well. Though admittedly, they would be doing well without any financial assistance (which kind of crawls under my skin and chews at my nipple if you know what that means, and I hope for your sake that you do not). Corn is actually so subsidized it’s cheap enough to be in every food that comes in a box. Farmers receive so many subsidies for corn that really, you would think the stuff could create orgasm or something.
I guess my point with all of this is that when you purchase a stock, make sure you consider the government climate very closely. Bush is on his way out and the media likes to make oil companies out as villains. Meanwhile, going green is the new way to make companies money that you earned.
America, what a country.
The First Post is Always the Most Awkward
My name is Nathan DeGraaf. I have a job that requires me to talk on the phone, study markets and stare into a computer. I also write comedy and occasional seriousness at Pointsincase.com.
I find that most market writing is dry and hard to decipher. Finance writers usually don’t educate while they write (excluding the uneducated and confusing the whole process) and they never make me laugh. That sucks. When I read something, I want humor inserted whenever possible. I figure other people feel the same way.
Time permitting, I plan on updating this blog after market close, perhaps two to three times a day if necessary.
If you do not like or do not understand the stock market that’s okay. The truth is few people really understand the market. Most people just think they do. Then the market kicks their ass.
My fundamental philosophy regarding investing is based on the fact that I am an idiot and as such, must do a lot of due diligence and embrace the beautiful blank piece of paper that is not knowing anything.
I’ll put up my first real post today.
I find that most market writing is dry and hard to decipher. Finance writers usually don’t educate while they write (excluding the uneducated and confusing the whole process) and they never make me laugh. That sucks. When I read something, I want humor inserted whenever possible. I figure other people feel the same way.
Time permitting, I plan on updating this blog after market close, perhaps two to three times a day if necessary.
If you do not like or do not understand the stock market that’s okay. The truth is few people really understand the market. Most people just think they do. Then the market kicks their ass.
My fundamental philosophy regarding investing is based on the fact that I am an idiot and as such, must do a lot of due diligence and embrace the beautiful blank piece of paper that is not knowing anything.
I’ll put up my first real post today.
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